Tony was the best brother anyone could have asked for. We never fought. I can say that honestly. He was always there for me. If someone ever hurt my feelings, he would have my back. I am scared to be the only child left here on this earth now. I want to see him. I want to feel his presence. I know that he could let me feel his presence if he wanted to.
I am just carrying on with life in hopes that it will get better and maybe if I just smile all the time I will feel better. I don't want to be a whiney person and cry all the time around people so I just hold it all in until I am alone. I have to be strong for those around me. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people that I am hurting, but that just isn't me. I have to help my mom and dad through this hard time.
I am so thankful for the opportunity I got to serve him the last five weeks of his life. We spent a lot of time together. My favorite times were when it was just him and I at his house and I could lay on the bed next to him and hold his hand while he slept. I loved that when he needed something and he couldn't see me, he would ask my parents to go "get my sister". He felt comfortable with me helping and I know that he knew I was there. I loved helping him up the stairs. I loved watching him speak at his school for the last time and seeing the great tribute they set up in his name. What a guy. I love him and miss him terribly. I am blessed with the knowledge that we are an eternal family. I am so greatful for that. I know that his spirit is here with me. I know that he loves me and I hope he knows how much I love him.