Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wo is Me

February? Really? That is the last time I blogged? That is so crazy and so unlike me. Well, a lot has been unlike me lately. I have had a serious case of the Wo is me. I am not one that likes to whine, or feel sad. But lately, I have had a really hard time being happy with myself. Do any of you just ever sit back and compare yourselves to other people, or compare your blog to other peoples blog, or compare the amount of meals so and so cooks for their family. Or how come she can do that craft, or she can shop that well, or her kids listen, or her house is always clean, or she takes her kids to the park everyday, or they can go on vacations wherever they want.
Well, I have been beating myself up over this since February. I haven't been myself. I feel like I don't fit in where I once did. I feel like I am a maid, chef, therapist, referee, etc....and I have lost my identity. There are days where I think maybe my Heavenly Father made a mistake making me a mom. Sometimes I think I would be better off with a house full of cats...and I am allergic to cats! I haven't been a good friend to those I love the most, mainly because they are the ones I compare myself to the most. Then when you don't succeed like they do, you feel inadequate to be in their presence. I use to be crafty, I used to LOVE to blog, I use to LOVE taking my kids to the park. How can a happy person feel these feelings I feel? I have gotten so wrapped up in being the "perfect" housewife, mom, neighbor, PTO vice president, church member, friend...that I have lost who I really am. I want to BE ME, I want to DRESS how I want, I want to be happy, I want to feel like I won't be judged for things I choose to do.
I am blessed with the GREATEST husband. He has been so patient with me because really this is all stupid crap that is so superficial and lame. He supports ALL my decisions and is there when the chips fall. I love him so much and wish that even his own dad would know of his greatness. He has overcome so much in his life and I want him to know I am SO blessed to be with him forever. He is the light of my life. I am blessed with three great kids that I love and adore. I hope they know how much I truly love them.
So, hopefully I can snap out of this and come back to blogging and show that I too have talent....

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

Mandee, I was recently wondering why you haven't been blogging. Although I'm not good at commenting, I do read your blog! I know it is so easy to see others' lives and compare. I find myself doing that, too. Something I've always admired about you was your individuality and the fact that you aren't afraid to be completely yourself. I struggle with that, which explains my shyness. :) I hope you can start feeling better about things. We all have those times where we feel really out of it and need a reminder of who we truly are. I'm sure you are doing your best. Love ya'!

Doty Family said...

Oh my dear, your seriously so awesome because you are you! You are sweet, funny, kind, thoughtful, and honestly pretty hilarious! You do amazing things every day. You don't have the easiest time with Logan, but your a wonderful mom! Never compare yourself. Your amazing just how you are! Love you!

the sutton clan said...

oh Mandee- you are a rock star. I wish I could be more like you. If you ever need to talk- call me. I'd love to be there for you. but seriously though- rock on.

mindy said...

YES Mandee I now how you feel but I compared myself to you and your amazing-ness and felt inadequate... ha ha! I love your guts just as you are! COme by if you need a time out or just to chat (just don't expect the house to look perfect because it WON'T)

Kris said...

Hey I love you for you no matter what. It has been an awesome 13 years as your friend/sister and I would never trade a day of it. Don't forget you owe me a shopping trip and I owe you lunch!!! What day are you free this week?!