I have officially hit rock bottom. I am so tired and worn out. The carnival sucked everything out of me and now I must figure out if it really was worth all the tears, strength, ignoring of my family, bickering, being around negativity for three weeks straight, frustration that open mindness isn't an option.
But because of this carnival my kids ate way too much fast food, Mia spent hours and hours and hours and hours in the car while I ran errand after errand after errand, Adam had to take a half day off just to watch my kids because babysitters fell through. Shouldn't I be able to watch my own kids? How do other moms do it? How do other moms put their families on the back burner and be way involved in EVERYTHING and still move forward with everything else?? I just can't do it. I am not going to put what I love most on the side just so I can feel better about what I do to help others. Sometimes I worry so much about what other moms are doing that I forget WHO I am. I am a mom that LOVES to be with her kids and husband. I am a mom that LOVES to plan parties, so somehow I need to balance the two and move at my own pace and not at other supermoms paces.
I sometimes wish I could just be one of those moms that just sit back and let the school take care of EVERYTHING and not help one bit with the PTO or anything for that matter. But I know that my kids love seeing me be involved with their school lives.
I didn't get to spend ONE minute with BayLee at the carnival. I was stuck in a tiny hallway inside the school with the silent auction. She had been worried that she wouldn't be able to reach the top of the rock climb and sure enough she accomplished it and I wasn't even able to watch her do it. I missed my kids during the past two weeks, I missed my husband these past two weeks, I missed REAL food, I missed quiet phones, I missed Mias perfect schedule that is now totally messed up, I missed watching LOST Biggest Loser SURVIVOR and many more shows I love, I missed my quiet days and quiet nights.
SO for now, over and out and I need to refocus and rebalance my life. Would that be so bad